Mum

As mother's day nears it feels appropriate to share about my friend Andy in London. 
That one doesn't initially connect the dots, but read on, it will.

I met Andy at a week long singing/songwriting retreat in Tofino on Vancouver Island in Canada back in 2002.  I felt an immediate connection with him that grew stronger over the week.  There was a very interesting dynamic in that I felt very safe and peaceful around him, and, at the same time it got to a point that we couldn't even sit next to eachother during the circle meetings as we would invariably break out into uncotrollable laughter.  The kind where you totally lose control, and tears come, and your stomach is hurting, all that.  And it happened again and again.
So, on the last night of the retreat Andy wanted to give me a CD of music he really liked and I went to his room with him to get it.  As he was giving me the CD I told him something like, 'I know you.  I know that I know you.'
And he said, well then, let's see.  He put the CD down took my hands and we closed our eyes.  An image came to me immediately of a native american girl, one just becoming a woman, in a forest, squatting down and gathering some kind of food and putting it in a basket.  This is not the first time I had seen this scene and I knew what was coming next....

Years before, probably about ten years before this, I had rented a video on past live regressions out of a skeptical kind of curiosity.  It was a hypnosis type tape and as we went deeper, deeper, deeper I felt myself going into another space.  I was not prepared for what happened.  I began hearing jungle sounds, felt myself in a very green and lush setting, could smell the green, and feel the cool air around me.  I also had a sense of belonging that I had never really felt that strongly in this life.  I knew there were many, many people who loved me and cared about me and that I shared a deep bond with.  As I was basking in this sense of beauty and belonging I suddenly started to feel a sense of anxiety and of something being wrong, and before I knew it I was being forcefully taken by a white man on a horse.  I was terrified beyond words and in a moment, had jumped up out of the chair, ejected the tape, put it in its container and set it by the door.  I returned the video without ever addressing what happened.  In hindsight I can see that to really accept what had happened, I would have had to change my entire paradigm of life, which at that time was much smaller.  I just wasn't quite ready yet.

So, as Andy held my hands and as this vision came in, a very big 'oh my lord' sense came with it and when we exchanged what we saw we were more than suprised to see that we both had gotten the same sort of pictures.  Native american.  Mother and daughter.  Tragedy.  Being taken away.  And, I knew that I was the daughter.  Which left Andy as the mother.  There was something funny in that and I think that's when the laughter started again and came this time so furiously that it left Andy on his knees, holding on to the bathroom doorknob.  As I looked at Andy, laughing hysterically, I suddenly saw a Native American woman, hunched over, sobbing in grief, and my laughter turned to tears of intense grief and anguish.  There was so much grief that had been buried and it suddenly made sense that the joy of the reunion had brought up a tremendous amount of anxiety as well as grief, which was being released through the laughter. 
We ended up staying up and walking around most of the night.  Andy shared a Native American chant as we sang to the beautiful moon that night.  He also shared that he had a plate displayed on his nightstand of a young Native American girl.  At one point the idea for a t-shirt came; "I went to a singing workshop and all I got was my five hundred year old mother".  Don't think that didn't spark more of that riotous laughter, but it might be one of those 'had to be there' kind of things.
For a few years we didn't stay in close touch, but checked in every once in a while and it is suprising to both of us what has manifested recently in the way of public sharing of poetry and song.  Andy is a bard of the sacred word of the heart.  The acronyms and poems that came through him took me back to a place of deep soul remembering.  www.truthmeetstruth.com  As well as being a poet, and very successful seller of ships as a side note, he is a source of inspiration and selfless service, generous beyond measure, and a source of humility and kindness.
I call him mum when I can get away with it (in my cell phone that way :-).
Just this morning he sent an email with this poem below from Native American wisdom as a closing.  It is such an honor to be a true friend to others and to have that level of friendship reflected back.  It came in a song:  The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love, and be loved in return.
Yes. 
Thank you Mum!!!




       Oh, The Comfort,
   The Inexpressible Comfort
       Of Feeling Safe
        With A Person

        Having Neither
      To Weigh Thoughts
      Nor Measure Words,
   But To Pour Them All Out,
      Just As They Are,

  Chaff And Grain Together,
Knowing That A Faithful Hand
  Will Take And Sift Them,

Keep What Is Worth Keeping,
        And Then,
With A Breath Of Kindness,
    Blow The Rest Away.


      And So It Is


          Amen


In E V E R Deepening Gratitude


      Y-our Own Self